Revelations

Back in the capital. Had a very chilled out week up north, lots of R&R, not to mention a goodly amount of TLC from my Mum. Whilst back home, my cast broke, so we went to A&E, and I was thinking, oh well, it’s annoying that it broke, but at least they’ll take this behemoth cast off and put a new lighter one on. Oh no, nothing like that. First of all, some abuse from the triage nurse, who was wearing so much fake tan that she just appeared to me as a blur of orange and blue. She implied that it was my fault the cast had broken! The nerve. So I said, ‘listen lady, I ain’t been doing no karate, so drop the attitude bee-hatch’. I didn’t really say that. Instead, I stood there meekly whilst she said I shouldn’t have been showering or bathing since steam can weaken the plaster of paris. I’ve been wrapping it in plastic as I was advised when I first broke it, and if anyone thinks I’m not going to wash for 6 weeks, well, they’ve got another think coming, that’s what I say. I communicated this to the triage nurse through my eyes. When I (finally) got to see the real nurse, all she did was put MORE plaster on top. So now the freakin thing is EVEN HEAVIER. Result.

Anyway, tomorrow I have my appointment at the fracture clinic and I am praying that the doc will think it is time for the lighter cast. Since the fall, I’ve been trying to see the bright side, which, until Friday, was eluding me. I mean, sure, I’m off work, but I can’t take full advantage of that with my arm in plaster, so where’s the silver lining, I was asking myself. Then, everything became clear as I realised, with an almost inexpressible joy, that breaking my hand meant that I wouldn’t have to go on the company away day. I’ve been trying to think of a way to get out of it ever since the announcement that we would be travelling en masse to Belgium for a day of hell. You may think I am exaggerating how bad these away days are, but I am not. S didn’t want to go either, so she left the company last month, and is now in India. That’s how bad she didn’t want to go. And now I can’t go, and it’s the perfect excuse. I had to pretend to be very disappointed when I told the Evil One’s PA, and I think I was pretty convincing. I had to keep pretending I was wincing with pain as I tried to keep from grinning from ear to ear. So, huge sighs of relief, I don’t have to go. I’m going to say that again because it feels so good: I don’t have to go. Aahhh.

I had another revelation yesterday when I got back to the flat. I had to change the light bulb in my bedroom - due to a really high ceiling and a maddeningly short flex, I had to move my bed and employ a pair of stepladders. After much precarious swinging to and fro, I had light again. When I started to reposition the bed, I was hit with a blinding flash: if I moved the bed just a foot to the left, I would not only have room to open my wardrobe doors with ease, but also, more crucially, be able to avoid cracking my shins on the corners of the bed frame - which is pretty much a daily occurrence. Why didn’t I think of that when I moved in? I’ve been here since last December, and only now have I discovered the optimum furniture layout for this room. Still, focus on the positive, it’s moved now, plus the light is working, so it’s all good.

Anyone wondering about Oz? Me too, but I've reached my threshold for one-handed typing for the day, so tune in tomorrow.

Oh the irony

So, I meet a new man, buy a new laptop, what naturally follows? Anybody? That's right, I fall up some stairs at work and break my fucking hand. Those of you who guessed correctly win nothing - am not in the best of moods. I can barely describe the pain at the moment of impact. I heard a crunching noise, but instantly went into shock and denial, started hyperventilating and trying to convince myself it was just 'badly bruised'. Alas, it was broken, as an X-Ray at A&E proved shortly afterwards. To get a bit technical, it is a transverse fracture of my metacarpal. Basically, I fell with all my weight onto the side of my hand and broke the bone that connects your little finger to your wrist. I'm wearing a cast - a really fucking heavy cast, and typing this one-handed - the novelty of which has already worn off, let me tell ya.

Have not been able to sleep much since I did it as it is so freakin uncomfortable and I'm supposed to keep it 'strictly elevated', according to the handy leaflet they gave me as I left the hospital. I'm also not allowed to get it wet, which makes washing my hair, let alone the rest of me, something of a challenge. (Not to mention eating/getting dressed/shopping/anything that requires both hands, i.e. everything).

I did it on Thursday evening, and I was supposed to be going on THE date on Saturday. Don't worry, I still went. I just dosed myself up on painkillers, spent about 50 mins in the shower, juggling with shampoo and conditioner bottles, and miraculously managed to make myself look presentable. The date was good - the diamonds were pretty amazing - I think Oz was even more impressed than me - especially when we got to the 'industrial uses of diamonds' part of the exhibition. I saw his eyes go wide as we approached the stands with all the (very boring looking) gadgets that have diamonds you can't see in them, but all perform some gadgety/boys toy function. He was all 'Check this out: diamonds can be conductors AND insulators!'...I was all 'Fascinating, yeah, I'll just be over by the solitaire rings.' So, it was all good, and he wasn't put off by the fact that my arm was in a cast at all. But then he is a guy, so when I thought about it afterwards, it would only have made a difference if I was in a full body cast. After the museum we went for pizza - have eaten nothing but pizza since Thursday - no knives or forks required! We later progressed to a pub, had some more drinks (not too many for me - was already a little high off the painkillers), and whiled away the rest off the day. Good overall, and he'll be calling me in the week.

So, the cast is on for six weeks. SIX WEEKS. I've been signed off work for four weeks and just don't know what to do with myself. When I'm feeling less tired, I might look for another job...
Posts will not be so frequent for a while, since typing one-handed sucks and takes twice as long, but I will be checking in as much as I can. And to think that on Thursday I was thinking I was stuck for something to post about. Good one, powers that be - thanks a bunch.

Cheshire cat

Yep, I'm still grinning. I can't help it. I might have to go to the doctor - I just can't stop smiling to myself. Isn't it sickening? It is, but I'm going to give myself a break because it has been a while since I had a cheshire cat grin plastered across my face for days on end.

In case you were wondering, and god knows I was, Oz called. Again. To confirm our date at the weekend. This will be date number two, people. And get this - he's taking me to the diamond exhibition at the Natural History Museum. I don't know about you, but I don't know many guys who would be secure enough to take a girl to a diamond exhibition on a second date. Not that I'm expecting him to ask me to choose one or anything, but you know...

Ah me - right, I'll get a hold of myself now and bring you up to date on everything else. Big news. I finally got a laptop. Now I can join all of you who post at ungodly hours and encourage the insomnia. I got it from Dixons, in one of those 'Buy now, pay when the moon is in the right house' deals. Due to the constellation configurations on the day, I only had to pay £10 up front and walked out with this very pretty laptop that I'm typing on *right now*, but also a printer, a shiny bag for the laptop, an extra mouse, and some software packages that I will never use. So all in all, a very good deal. A little eyelash batting at the sales advisor got me some ink cartridges at half-price, so all I have to do now is steal some paper from work and I'll be away, finally writing that Oscar winning screenplay that you're all waiting for. And if things don't work out with Oz, I think I'm onto a sure thing with the cutie who served me at the Preston branch of Dixons.

I suppose I could have bought the laptop in London, but everything seems so much more bargainous when I am visiting up North. The weather for my break was lovely by the way, and not, as S erroneously predicted, grim at all. I also got my hair done - got a colour and a cut for less than £60. I had to resist the urge to laugh as I handed my card over. As I said, mucho bargainous. How sad/girly is this though: I actually wondered if Oz would recognise me with my new hair, and if he would like it. Only for a nanosecond, but you know, slippery slope. Gotta keep my edge.

Other cool things that happened up north (where it is not grim): 1) saw The Skeleton Key. Ok, I don't want to ruin it for anybody, but I will say this: it wipes the floor with Dark Water. It is very entertaining, maybe not as scary as a hardened scary movie fan such as myself would like, but certainly worth your ticket money. Buy some popcorn too, have fun.
2)Went to the beach! Not to sunbathe or go swimming - it may be August, but someone seems to have forgotten to let the powers that be know. But, the sun was shining, and the beach was sandy and beautiful and the sea was all shimmery and clean. Listening to the glorious sound of the waves, I (almost) forgot about my psychotic housemates. Oh, it was heavenly.

I came back late last night, so I avoided them. This morning, I stayed in bed until they left the house. This evening, I was lucky again, and they've both been out. I know my luck won't hold forever, but it's 11.30pm, and I'm still wearing that Cheshire cat grin.

Escape from...London

Yep, I’m heading back up North again. Getting the hell out of dodge for a few glorious days – no tubes, no pollution, no terror alerts or any of that crap for at least 4 days. Most importantly of all, no housemates for 4 days. Even though I didn’t think it was possible, over the past week they have become even more annoying. I’ve been gritting my teeth so much to keep from saying what I really think that I have a constant pain in my jaw. They are just the most awful people – why didn’t I see it when I moved in? Shouldn’t there be a law that people like that should have to wear tags that read: ‘freak – stay away’? I’d support that law. They’re also the nosiest people I have ever met – just because we are sharing a living space does NOT mean they should be privy to every aspect of my life. Nor am I interested in theirs. At all. Oh man, the urge to scream FUCK OFF at the top of my lungs was so strong this morning, I almost passed out with the effort to keep it in. I still feel a bit light-headed now.

Right, before this turns into an I-hate-my-roomies blog, I’ll move onto something else. Something far more exciting, actually. Remember the guy-who-didn’t-call-me, but then called me after three weeks, and then we agreed to go out? Yes? No? Do try to keep up, honestly. Well, the date was great, which was a nice surprise, and I smiled to myself all the way home. He’s a very pleasant Aussie, and more attractive and funny than I remembered from our first meeting. I even managed to avoid being cynical for the whole date, and it wasn’t too much of an effort. So, at the end of the date he said he’d call me, and here’s the big news: he actually called me. Can you credit it? A guy saying he will call, and then actually calling? Once I got over the shock, I was thrilled. And we’re going out again. So, psychotic housemates aside, I’m really feeling pretty damn good.

Here’s to the weekend, see you all back here on Tuesday (happy, happy, joy, joy, etc. sorry, keep coming over all girly).

Yummy!

I just had to share this with you all:


Weight Watchers Recipe Cards From the 70s

Absolutley hilarious. Not sure yet whether the aim was to put slimmers off food altogether, or dazzle them with the 'exotic' alternatives they would never have considered in their wildest dreams. Unless they were on acid, perhaps.

Her comments on the cards are the best part, my favourite being the one accomopanying the recipe card for 'celery log' : 'you could eat this log, or stick your hand in a kitchen blender, you know, have fun'.

Check it out!