You can just tell

Today is going to be one of those l-o-n-g days. I can feel it.

Still, at least I had a good weekend. Dancing on Friday night, followed by a Saturday cocktail of lounging around, tennis and a little bit of Live 8...though I had to turn it off when Madonna came on and jumped on the glory wagon by holding onto that African girl's hand. I'd been practically crying when Bob Geldof told the story of how she survived and then brought her on stage - it was an amazing moment. Then her Madge comes on stage, starts hugging the girl, who probably didn't know her from Adam, and didn't speak any English, so god knows what she made of the freaky blonde lady with the vice-like grip. I was thinking, 'any moment now, they'll escort the lovely African girl off the stage, and maintain the dignity of the event', but Madonna held onto her and started singing 'Like a Prayer' - I was embarrassed for them both. At least she was only on for 3 songs. I thought Razorlight ripped it up all right though - they rocked!

Luckily, the cringe-fest that was Madonna's appearance didn't ruin my appetite completely, as I was going out to dinner with the Supremely Healthy One. We went to Tas, a fabulous Turkish restaurant in Waterloo, and the food was just beyond compare - really, try it out. Plus, I got to eat ALL the bread without feeling guilty, since Sho doesn't eat wheat anymore. Result. However, the food was not the only memorable thing about our visit to Tas. There was a hen party in there, and at about the time they were tucking into their desserts, a stripper turned up. Our first clue was that the gentle tinkling background music was replaced by a booming Ricky Martin track and lots of shreiking. We turned to see a guy dressed like an officer, Richard Gere stylee, and he picked up the bride to be and her friends went nuts, taking photos on their phones and whooping hysterically. It was diverting, but you know, seen one stripper, seen 'em all (fyi though, this guy was hot, despite the fact that he was wearing a thong). We turned our attention back to the food, but then Sho told me a horrifying story that I just have to share with you. I'm still horrified by it. Even now.

Back in the eighties, you may remember there was a male stripping troupe, a sensation, if you will, called The Chippendales. I never saw them personally, but apparently, a major feature of their act was the finale, when they ripped off their velcroed jockstraps and hurled them at the hordes of screaming women in the audience. Call me crazy, but you wouldn't catch me screaming over a guy's knickers - but different strokes. Anyway, this story goes that a friend of a friend of Sho's (this is NOT an urban myth, honest), was in the crowd and one of the jockstraps hit her square in the eye. That's bad enough, right? A few days later, she notices some irritation round her eye area. Little raised bumps. She's thinking, maybe it's an allergic reaction to the squinned latex. She goes to the Docs, and he tells her she has CRABS in her EYE. They were like, nesting in her EYEBROW. It doesn't get much more horrifying than that, does it?