Signs

There are all these little signs that winter is officially here now. Quite apart from the mean drop in the temperature, which makes it that bit harder to get out of your lovely, warm bed in the morning, there's all these other charming little signs that herald the change in the seasons. Like when you go to Sainsbury's, looking for the peanut butter, only to find they've moved it to another aisle, without warning, and leaving no forwarding address, to accommodate 22 varieties of xmas puddings/speciality xmas biscuits/racks of xmas card box sets and tinsel. Who buys their xmas pudding now? Or the sudden increase in adverts on TV for kids toys - which are always all priced £39.99, whatever it is, and ker-azy fun board games, intended to keep the family entertained over the holiday period, but which will almost certainly be the trigger for the mother of all family rows...

And there are other, more subtle signs, that winter, and indeed xmas is on its way. For example, when I got on the tube this morning, all I could hear was people coughing, spluttering, sniffing and sneezing. Yep, we're here again, that most wonderful time of the year when people like to share...their germs. I know catching colds is pretty unavoidable if you use public transport and have day to day contact with, well, people, but some people are just a bit too keen to share, if you know what I mean. What happened to covering your mouth when you cough, you sickos? And if you are sneezing with such force behind me that you cause my hair to part, then you should be in bed at home, NOT breathing on my neck. Take the day off! Yeuch. So I blame these people for what feels like a cold coming on. I've been in denial about having this cold - I've been upping my vitamin C intake, doubling up on the zinc, drinking Lemsip instead of tea, and pretending these are just 'precautions'...I feel like I am fighting it off, but it is probably just 'hovering', waiting until I have plans at the weekend to become a fully-fledged, streaming head cold. Something for me to look forward to, eh?

And I know no-one ever needs a cold, but I really don't need one right now. I'm in the middle of trying to escape the flat from hell and the evil clutches of Tall One and Short One, which involves not only showing prospective tenants round the flat, but continuing to keep the cramp twins on side so they don't scare off said prospective tenants. It's more than a bit stressful, I can tell you - I'm acting my socks off: 'oh yes, they're lovely people, so down to earth and not petty at all...no, no strange ticks, and certainly, neither of them suffer from OCD, and no, I never caught either of them watching me sleep, ha ha, what a suggestion, etc.' Ahem.

Also, feel so goofy when showing people round, like some eccentric tour guide who constantly states the obvious: ‘this is the living room…as you can, er, see/this is the kitchen…in case you were wondering what we call the room where we keep the oven and the fridge/this is the bathroom and shower, obviously’ and so on. Hopefully I'll get some takers soon. Please. God. Soon.

But you know, it's not all doom and gloom here, oh no. I mentioned my trip to Sainsbury's earlier. I went there to replenish my peanut butter supply. I've recently found that if you have a jar of peanut butter in your house, then things can never be that bad. Seriously. In case that sounds odd, let me try to explain. I have come to peanut butter rather late in my life, having only discovered what all the fuss was about in the past month or so. For some random reason, I never ate it as a child, and not at all until 4 weeks ago. I had a mad urge to buy a jar of the crunchy variety and try it on...toast. The results were outstanding. I am now a serious devotee, and am telling everyone, from my closest friends to random strangers, in a similar tone to the way weirdos tell you they have found god, that I have found peanut butter. My life will never be the same again, but in a good way.

It's so good - how did I never know before? Maybe it even boosts your immune system? Think I'll just go get a bit of toast and try that theory out.