Back in the grind

Aaaaaagh. Back at work. Finally back at work. I did take quite a long break, so I guess I should have anticipated the colossal shock to my system returning to the daily grind would be. First off, there was the whole ‘getting-up-early’ thing, which is not really my thing, even at the best of times. I just feel like getting up early is like a secret no-one has let me in on, you know? I’ve been trying it my whole life, and it’s never taken. Anyway, managed it somehow, and got here vaguely on time, as is my custom, despite the best efforts of London Underground who chose to strike the day I go back to work - thanks you guys! (Note to self: today may not have been the best day to break in my new shoes – try to think ahead in future).

So, the whole ‘getting-to-work’ hurdle over with, I get to my desk. Next obstacle: over the Christmas break, my office got redecorated (just to be clear, when I say ‘my office’, I don’t mean it’s my office, just to be clear). So that the decorator could get to the walls, we had to pull the fire-hazard manuscripts off all the shelves that fence my desk in (- sometimes it’s like working in a small paper fort, but, more often, it‘s like working in an office with lots of manuscripts - eh, tom-ah-to, tom-ay-to). So, naturally, since I chose to go back to work after everyone else, my desk has been transformed into a general dumping ground. Next time I go away, I’m investing in one of those ‘No Fly Tipping’ signs.

However, I’m not sure how much good it would do since the ‘Out-of-Office-Assistant’ feature on Outlook seems to be no deterrent WHATSOEVER to people consistently emailing me a variety of junk, spam, essential documents I won’t have time to read and utterly irrelevant crap. Have had to spend all morning just going through the email inbox, going through over 200 emails. Honestly, you’d think I was being paid to be here or something. Chuh.

So, taking refuge in the sacred space that is the holy and sacred Lunch Hour, I’m taking a moment for a little reflection, and, a little late, here are my New Year’s Resolutions (I never make them on 1st January - I‘m always too hungover, what would be the point?).

1. Okay, first up, get up on time EVERY DAY.

No, I’m just messing with you, that was a joke. Ok, ok,

1. Learn to drive (don’t laugh, I‘m really going to do it this year, I promise)

2. Write Oscar-winning screenplay (how hard can it be?)

3. Win lottery (it could be me - though, to be in with a chance, I really ought to make the effort and buy a ticket once in a while)

4. Quit smoking (this should be a whiz, since I don’t actually smoke - you have to include achievable goals, isn’t that what all the self-help gurus say?)

5. Buy more fabulous shoes (I owe it to myself)

6. Go on the London Eye ( I say this every year, I want to do it, but I don’t want to do it with a bunch of dumb tourists. Though wanting to do it kind of makes me one of them. Hmm, tricky, very tricky.)

7. Get fit. Do yoga at least 3 times a week, become super-toned and incredibly bendy. (Oooh, also buy that new ‘Chillates’ DVD they keep advertising - that looks really good, plus, also buy some really cool keep-fit clothes...)

8. Eat pizza at LEAST once a week (back on the whole ‘achievable goals’ thing).

9. Meet and date mentally stable and incredibly attractive man. (I know, I know, I live in a dream world. What the hell, I put it at 9).

10. And finally, uh, well, I can’t think of a tenth resolution - so, suggestions welcome...

Wish me luck...