Home again, home again

Yet again, I have been inexplicably absent from the blogging scene, as it were. Primarily because, yet again, I could not remember which freaking password and login combination would work to let me access the damn thing, and second, I don't know, I just wasn't in the mood.



Well - much like when you write an angst-filled diary in your teens (Dear Diary, school was boring today, but Benedict Johnson brushed my arm with his bag in the lunch queue. I will love him forever, etc.), it is much easier to write when you are really fucked off. Which is maybe why people stop writing diaries - you read back through the pages and realise the whole thing is a depressing book of woe. I am a bit fucked off. Hence the new post.



Had the day from HELL. Hell, I tell you. Had a meeting at 11 with my boss, who has been away on holiday for over a week, and then away again at some useless conference. She has this amazing knack for going on holiday at the most critical times. It is quite uncanny - any time a really significant project is at the tipping point between nothing but good times ahead and ultimate doom and horror for all concerned, she is nowhere to be seen. So to the meeting. I was expecting a quick catch up style meeting, as all projects are currently just edging into good times territory, thanks to me working all the hours god sends and spending every waking moment thinking about it all, not to mention dreaming about it all and enjoying a variety of tension headaches along the way. Deploying the passive-agressive management style beloved of all bosses everywhere (is there a course they take? Do they get a diploma?), she launched a full-scale attack - making me list everything my team has been doing and then implying I hadn't been doing anything - ever so subtly, of course. Then she tells me that some other members of staff have been complaing about one of my team (why didn't they come and talk to me? I'm his manager for god's sake. Bastards). Then she asked me some more about what I have been doing, and despite being so stressed out with my horrific workload that it is the first thing I think about when I wake and the last thing before I finally get to sleep, my mind went totally blank. I waffled a bit, thinking furiously to myself 'What the fuck have I been doing? Think, Just, come on think'



She is not normally like this, so I was caught totally unawares (she has only recently been promoted, so maybe she took the passive-agressive course inbetween seminars at the conference). Pure horror. We finished up the meeting, and I felt so tired, and so shit that I took my notebook back to my desk, then calmly walked to the toilets and proceeded to have a panic attack. This was just peachy timing, as I had to go to a lunch within 15mins with some service providers, another department, and you guessed it, said passive-agressive boss. Brilliant - trying to make small talk and eat lunch whilst trying not to cry/just put my head down on the table and have a snooze.



What a fucking day. Felt like it would never end. The only consolation is that it is Friday. So hard not to worry about work all weekend though. Would love to be all zen about it all, but it is tough. I have recently joined a gym, with the idea that I would go off and do yoga at least twice a week. This may have been a bit ambitious, now I think about it.



Hmfph. Well, that's all for today. I will be back, and with greater frequency. I think I have the bug for this back.